Don't Make Me Count to Three

This is one of those RARE finds that is SO SO right on if you care about the heart of your children's behavior!!

I just finished reading "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" by Ginger Plowman. If you are a parent, especially of anyone age 7 and under, HURRY and get this book. Read it as fast as you can! You will want to apply what you learn immediately.I borrowed this book from the library 6 weeks ago when a newly met friend recommended something else written by Plowman (that's coming next after I talk about this book). I had to renew it after 3 weeks because I hadn't got around to reading it yet. When I did finally crack it open, I felt discouraged in Chapter 1 when she laid the guilt trip on me ("There's no higher calling than being a mother..."). As I read, I discovered she only had 2 children, and I was like, "Hmph...peanuts. What does SHE have to teach ME? She should walk a day in MY shoes!" So I put the book down and moved on to other things (my reading list was very long). Since it is due back at the library today, and I didn't want to renew AGAIN, I picked it up yesterday to give it "one more shot," "just in case."I couldn't read it fast enough. Seriously. It seemed like I would read two pages, then have to put the book down and apply exactly what I had just read to the real-life situation yelling/crying right at my feet. The good news is, it is very fast/easy to read. I certainly had many distractions (I am not exaggerating--I could barely read 2 pages before needing to use something I had literally just read), and still was able to finish it basically since just starting yesterday.This book makes an excellent companion to Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. This book fills in the gaps and makes Shepherding a Child's Heart a little more applicable by offering more real life scenarios, as well as more sample dialogues. Don't get me wrong, Shepherding a Child's Heart is a very complete, excellent parenting book. But "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" is easier/faster to read, and can be applied immediately. I felt like many different (wonderful) parenting books I have read came together as I read "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" It was a refreshing reminder of things I have read in other books. It was also a great encouragement as it offered solutions and methods in a way that I can apply immediately. It certainly calmed down this mother's heart and changed MY attitudes, setting me back on the right path. We all need that from time to time. It seems like I need to be "reset" every Monday or so. :)One of the most significant themes I found in this book that impacted me was the importance in training our children the right way to go. Not just pointing out their sin and applying discipline, but actually walking them through the appropriate behavior. It is giving them a way out--a means of escape. Plowman writes, "I am teaching them to 'put off' corrupt and deceitful desires and to 'put on' the righteousness and holiness of God." Chapter 5 ends with a memorable illustration of this. Today we have done many "practice" sessions, not without a few giggles. Which is good.I also recommend getting the pamphlet "Wise Words for Moms". It goes along with this book perfectly.

Personally, I did not like this book. Firstly, I thought the author was too strong in her surety that her way is the only biblical way. It may be one biblical way, but she says on multiple occasions that people who are not doing what she does are simply not following the bible, and I found that to be a bit reductive. I think parenting is hugely cultural, and so we have to ask what is the heart of the issue and the intent of the command, rather than what is the letter of the law as our culture interprets it. Would Jesus really walk up to a parent who doesn't spank and say they are disobeying God for that, or might he tell a parent who insists all their parenting ways are correct to stop making so many specific rules that people have to follow? For example, I see the "rod" in the bible talked about as a shepherding tool, not something used to hit the sheep, and I take it to generally mean in principle that children need some form of discipline from their parents to correct their behavior, attitudes, etc. Being overly permissive and not addressing issues is not ultimately loving. Does it have to be spanking? That depends on your culture. Yet she leaves no wiggle room. For someone with a 5 year old and an 8 year old that have yet to grow up, I find her to be over confident that she is doing it right. I have had many wise and respected Christian adults tell me they wish they had relaxed a little bit when they were younger parents rather than being so worried that every single moment had to turn out just right in order for their kids to be God-fearing adults. I think she probably should have waited another 15 years to write her book, both to see how her children turned out and also to have time to reflect on what she might do differently. Secondly, she uses other people's children as examples in many situations, and I just found that to come across as judgmental. If you're not in their shoes, just don't, especially strangers in public. You have no idea what other people are going through, if someone is dealing with a child with a sensory problem or a foster kid who has just come out of trauma, or even just a normal old family having a hard day. Have some grace for other people. Thirdly, I thought the book overall lacked grace in how to deal with a child. Her view is that because God expects full obedience, and we are training our children to be adults who follow God, we must address every single small error the same way. While I largely agree with her on the goal of parenting to be the gospel, I find that in my adult life, God has not actually allowed me to suffer consequences for every single disobedience or mistake I have made. Have there been consequences for some mistakes, and is it a general rule that we reap what we sew? Absolutely! For every tiny mistake? Hardly! And in the ultimate sense, Jesus paid the penalty over it all. I definitely believe in consistency, instruction, and that it is important for kids to have some form of discipline, but she says for example that there is absolutely no situation that should change the response (tiredness, hunger, etc.). I really disagree. When I was recently traveling to a conference with my two year old, after two days of going into the childcare all day, he had a total and complete meltdown upon waking from a nap, involving screaming, kicking, biting, crying for over thirty minutes for his parents when we were there with him, just something totally frazzled I have never seen in a kid; it was not the typical "I want my way" tantrum, and I was sensitive enough to know that I have NEVER seen him behave this way. And so rather than punish this type of behavior as I usually would for biting, etc., I had mercy on my child by realizing that he was actually experiencing some sort of traumatic stress and needed to communicate to me that he could not go back into that childcare and nothing else he had tried had worked. I have left my child in daycare frequently in other situations, but I just knew something was wrong. If I were following the advice of this book, I would have spanked him into obedience, because there is no excuse for hitting and biting. I just can't go along with that. I think you have to be sensitive to the spirit as a parent and balance the child's need for consistency and boundaries with knowing when to have mercy or when to just let something go. Children experience genuine emotional and physical needs, trauma, etc. and I think we have to be aware of that and respond accordingly. Overall, I found this book to be overly simplistic and assume too much authority. I would not recommend it.

I loved it. It’s bold and honest and displays what a parent needs most: drinking in God’s word. Self-control, patience and faith in God’s power when we are weak - such good reminders.

Absolut praktisch und sofort anwendbar. Biblisch fundiert und sehr hilfreich. Lustige, alltägliche Beispiele, die im Kopf bleiben :) Gut lesbar, auch für nicht Native-Speaker!

Vorab, ich habe dieses Buch wegen seinem provokanten Buchtitel gekauft und bin Atheist, kann daher mit Bibelzitaten eher wenig anfangen. Dennoch lässt man den ganzen biblischen Anteil und den Glauben an Jesus weg ist es eben eher ein netter Erfahrungsbericht der Autorin in Bezug auf ihren Erziehungsstil. Sie selbst schreibt dazu, dass wenn man sie und ihre Familie kennen würde, dass man dann wahrscheinlich gar nicht erst dieses Buch gekauft hätte. Trotzdem sind die von ihr gesammelten Beispiele und Erkenntnisse irgendwie interessant. An die Kritiker mit nur einem Stern sei gesagt, das Buch hat nichts damit zu tun das man bis 3 Zählen soll und dann setzt es was mit der Rute, eher im Gegenteil. Die Rute kommt zwar vor lässt sich aber durch ebenfalls effektive Alternativen leicht austauschen. Vielmehr geht es um eine liebevolle konsequente Erziehung in der Gehorsam und Ehrlichkeit eine große Rolle spielen. Das Kind soll dazu gebracht werden seine Fehler einzusehen, sich selbst einzugestehen und wieder auf den richtigen Weg zu finden. Die dazu eingesetztenGesprächstechniken von Frau Plowman sind wie ich finde eine Lektüre wert. Ausreichende Englischkenntnisse vorausgesetzt.

Questo libro è veramente utile e interessante, e fornisce un sacco di consigli pratici veramente apprezzati. Ho particolarmente apprezzato le spiegazioni riguardanti i rinforzi positivi prima e dopo le punizioni e la lunga parte incentrata sulle sculacciate, che spiega come e quando darle in modo corretto ed efficace. Lo stile è piacevole e facilmente comprensibile anche dai non madre lingua, basta avere una conoscenza base dell'inglese. Vivamente consigliato a tutti i genitori.

I wish I had found this book much, much sooner!!I love this book because the author explains so well what we as parents are expected to do according to Scripture, and then goes on to explain how we should be doing it. She gives wonderful examples so we can understand how to implement what she teaches us in our own lives with our own children. She writes from a humble perspective and does not claim to have all the answers and willingly shares her own errors which is refreshing. If you are a new parent and wish to raise your child in a Godly manner according to the Bible, I recommend you get this book!