Hazelden Publishing Codependent No More Paperback – 1 September 1986

Unless your issues are directly related to being in a relationship with an alcoholic then don’t bother!This is a very outdated take on the condition as it is now highly documented that there are other issues which lead to codependency, none of those are covered in this book. Loosely reference maybe, but not the sole focus is alcoholism.I grew very tired of having to decipher every single example given of someone with an alcoholic partner and try to relate it to my own non-alcohol based circumstance.I am also quite confused that the author began by saying she wanted to write a ‘’warm, gentle, non-judgemental book’’This is anything but!At least the first half of this book felt extremely judgemental of codependents, and as though you were under attack. Constant blaming and shaming. I found it quite difficult to stick with.It was only the second half of the book which actually covered what I was hoping it would - strategies for changing behaviours and how to do that... although still, every single case study and example related to people in relationships with alcoholics.Another thing I personally found annoying with this book is the authors lack of confidence in her own opinion and how she has to constantly and repeatedly reference other authors to back up what she is saying.A few here as there, fine! But the continual referencing of other authors to back up her point of view makes me feel like I would be better reading one of their books.Perhaps if my partner was a raging alcoholic then I may be leaving a rave review, but this is not the case so I feel this book was only 20% relevant and helpful to me.

Having recently come out of a relationship in which we were/are both codependent, I've been searching for an explanation as to why two people who love and adore each other can't be happy. I'm not searching for that explanation any more as the clarity this book has given me is nothing short of spectacular. Thank you, Melody Beattie, for empowering me, giving me direction and focus, but mostly for giving me the chance to be happy.

I bought this book because I had seen a few bits about codependany and recognised myself in it but I didn't get on too well with it. Almost all of the examples are about alcohol issues and I got a bit fed up with having to try and understand it from a different point of view, I think the author's alcohol issues are the reason so if you're looking for a book because someone close to you has the same issues it will be a good book to read, I just would have preferred a different slant in at least a few of the examples.

I am finding this a very useful tool at the moment. There's a bit too much emphasis on coping with living with people with addiction (mainly alcoholism) and God is mentioned a bit, but those are easily adapted or ignored if your beliefs lie elsewhere. I do think the author could have given more thought on people reading this book not believing in God though

This book was recommended to me as a game changer and I concur … that it is ! I didn’t resonate with codependency in relation to alcoholism as this isn’t my lived experience. However , I do recognise codependency traits in myself in my relationships. I really resonated with practicing detachments . I have seen people comment on that this is far from the human design. How I understood it , was that it’s okay to want and desire a relationship but you cannot let it dictate your life and whilst people can meet your needs we shouldn’t depend on it , we can only depend on ourselves by honouring ourself and asking ‘what do I need ‘. I highlighted a lot of points and had a lot of tabs on this .. will definitely be revisiting. The book feels very practical and not airy fairy like some other self help books . Loved it !!!