The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved

This book really opened my eyes. It’s not just about romantic relationships,it helped me think differently about how I connect with everyone in my life. The way Matthew Kelly explains the seven levels of intimacy made so much sense. It’s easy to follow and makes you reflect on your own thoughts, fears, and how you share with others.You can apply what you learn to your marriage, friendships, parenting, really any relationship. I now think about things differently after reading it. If you want to understand people better and have stronger relationships, I definitely recommend this one.

I first came into contact with Matthew Kelly by purchasing and reading The Dream Manager, a fascinating insight on how people can transform their lives and how we can live this and that we can help others to do the same, especially in the corporate environment. This past Christmas, our Church gave one of Matthew Kelly's books to every family and visitor that celebrated Christmas with us. It was Rediscover Catholicism. Again, Kelly got great reviews from the people. I have bought several other books by him. This current one and The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion and Purpose, which I first read as audiobooks. There is a lot of similar thinking in all of his books.We all know people suffering in relationships. It could be us! We might be a parent looking to guide our children in forming good relationships. I read up on The Seven Levels of Intimacy and thought "with all the difficulties we are having in marriages and relationships these days, this might have some clues to improve my life and help others also." I was fascinated. I think it has helped me in my dealings with others and has given me food to offer others who might confide in me.Kelly does not stray from the age-old principle that "Love is a decision." It is something we choose to do. It is wanting the best for another person, traditionally said as always seeking the good of another. There was a recent story in the National Catholic Register of a "US Woman to Marry Swiss Guard in Rome" that caught my attention. One of the non-negotiables Miranda Emde was looking for in a man was someone "Who knows how to love and give of himself." There's more if you read the story. But, love is something that one has to want and choose. When he told her his idea of marriage, it clicked with her!I have discussed these ideas with others. I think we need to open our eyes and make conscious choices about who to love and how we will love. Love ultimately is the "gift of self" which has to be done freely and wisely. We don't just settle for someone. This book can walk us through some basics that can help us to think right about this aspect of our lives. In The Rhythm of Life, Kelly speaks about "Everything is a Choice" and then goes into "Do You Really Know What You Want?" He asks this question of an 80-person graduation class. One girl answered, "A man to share my life with." Not having found one, she asked how she will find him. Kelly answered, "the man who wants you to be a better person." But, more specifically, he added: "When you are wondering if he is really the one for you, consider this one idea: You deserve to be cherished. Cherished! Not just loved. Cherished!" He said her eyes welled with tears and he knew she understood.These are just things which have stood out to me as I reflect on this book and the wisdom Matthew Kelly communicates to us. Your response to them will point to whether or not the book(s) will interest you. I have walked away from it different, even in my thinking. I sum it up, "Love is an 'Action' Verb!" It is an action that must come from us.

I have listened to the audiobook & had to get the paperback book because it was so amazing! At first, the wrong book was sent. When I notified them they immediately sent out the correct book & it arrived within a week.

I found this to be one of the better books on relationships that I've read. Easy to read, reasonable to understand (even for an Engineer), gives examples to help clarify. He gives a structure and framework to understand different levels of a relationship and how you are at different levels with different people, and the priority of people in your life. The highest levels, which take the most work are reserved for the closest/most important relationships.He starts by looking at issues today the trip people up and misunderstandings about relationships. He defines the goal of relationship to be helping some one to be a better version of themselves. With that in mind, the issue isn't about getting what you want but giving what they need, and vice versa. Then he gets into the seven levels:Cliches: Relationships that deal in cliches like asking someone how they are in the morning and they respond "Fine, how are you?", not expecting a real answerFacts: Once past facts, people deal with each other on the facts level, weather sports, news, etc.Opinions: The next step is offering your thoughts on thingsHopes & Dreams: Yours and dealing with theirsFeelings: Yours and dealing with theirsFaults & Fears: Yours and dealing with theirsNeeds:Yours and dealing with theirsEach level opens you more and more to vulnerability and risk, with the end to be truly loved, known, and understood.I thought it to be eye opening (Hey Engineer), and insightful to things I've observed but hadn't framework to piece things together. I deal better with numbers and concrete things than emotional things. The hardest thing for me was that certain things are left undefined, but that is you have to define it for yourself as an individual, like what is the best version of yourself, you have to define it, but he offers little to help someone on that path. Perhaps that is grist for another book.