Finding Me: A Decade of Darkness, a Life Reclaimed: A Memoir of the Cleveland Kidnappings

God in the Midst of Garbage and GoreYesterday I downloaded a copy of Michelle Knight's book, "Finding Me." It's a harrowing account of the eleven years she, Amanda Berry, and Gina DeJesus were held captive by Ariel Castro. Although Amanda and Gina are mentioned, the story is Michelle's story and told from her point of view. Like most Americans, I was riveted to the screen when news broke about the kidnappings and Amanda's escape that led to Michelle and Gina being rescued. A resident of California, I had never heard of any of the three young women nor did I know they had been kidnapped. The tragic incident was something straight out of a horror movie.After a few months had passed, there was talk about the women writing a book about what they had gone through. Immediately I made a decision that I wouldn't read any of their books. I just couldn't bear to read -let alone imagine what had happened over the eleven-year period. However, while searching for my next read, I stumbled upon Michelle's memoir. Something tugged at my heart, and I knew I had to read her story.From the first page I was hooked, and I've been hard pressed to put the book down. Fortunately, Michelle does not give graphic descriptions of the despicable, monstrous acts Ariel forced her to perform, but she does talk about the countless rapes and beating she endured. What she went through is beyond heartwrenching. While reading her story, I managed to keep my emotions in check, while wondering to myself where does someone get such strength and determination. How did she survive the beatings, the rapes, the starvation, the forced abortions, and the humiliation? And the horrid list goes on. What is it in a person that keeps them going under such unimaginable conditions?For Michelle it was her son, Joey that gave her the will to keep living. The day she had been kidnapped she was on her way to a court hearing about regaining custody of him. Abuse in the home by her mother's boyfriend led to Joey being put in protective custody. Unfortunately, Michelle never made it to court, but she also never lost sight of her son. She even spoke to him as though he were there with her in the house of horrors.I mentioned earlier that I was able to keep my emotions in check, but that all came to an end during the twenty-third chapter that Michelle titled "Mustard." It's in this chapter that she reveals how Ariel made her eat a hotdog that was smothered in mustard. At this point, Michelle was practically starving. But she knew she was deathly allergic to mustard and refused to eat the hotdog. Ariel threatened to kill her. In Michelle's mind, she was going to die either way, so why not die on a full stomach? She wiped as much of the mustard off as she could and then bit into the hotdog. Immediately her faced puffed up and things went from bad to worse. After a few hours, she was red as a tomato, couldn't feel her tongue or breathe. Gina was chained to her at the time and tried to offer as much comfort as possible. Then Michelle passed out. It was during this time that she said she saw the brightest light she had ever seen in her life and heard a loud voice that said, "It's not your time yet." She said she knew she was in the presence of God. When she came to she was still being held captive, but for the first time she had no doubt that God was real. The following day the swelling went down and she was able to breathe. At the end of the chapter I was sobbing and trembling so badly I had to get off of the elliptical machine I had been working out on.I was not only crying for what Michelle and the other women had endured, but I was crying out of sadness regarding my overall attitude and behavior. I was crying asking God to forgive me for being so ungrateful at times, for complaining and whining at times. "Why is the gym so dirty?" "Why do women leave hair on the shower floor?" Michelle mentioned in the book, that the first eight months of her captivity, Ariel wouldn't let her take a bath or shower and that the stench was so bad, it mad her gag. How dare I complain about hair in the shower! I get to shower. At work, we get a free lunch buffet daily. I often hear others complain when something is served that they don't like and I have been guilty of the same. Michelle once was starved for two weeks. She had lost so much weight the dirty chains Ariel used to strap her to the walls and bed would fall off of her. Here I am, not only am I'm eating, but doing so for free. I cried and cried, asking God to forgive me for not being grateful ALL the time. I wiped my tears and realized that Michelle's torture had not been in vain--that her book had touched me and reminded me how blessed I truly am. I know that I'm not unique and that if touched me, it's moved countless others. I've finished the book and I loved reading about the day the women were set free. Yes, Michelle, God is real and he may not come when you want him to, but he's always on time!

This book is easy to read and follow but the content during the girl’s condiment is tough so if you don’t like reading stuff about physical and s****l abuse I wouldn’t recommend this. It’s a very well told story and Michelle’s story is truly inspiring. This poor woman had such a hard life from the beginning. After what she went through it would break many but like a phoenix she rose from the ashes and reclaimed her life. Very inspiring!

I almost didn’t want to read this book because it was heart breaking just to even fathom what happened to those beautiful women survivors. Growing up in Cleveland it was extremely close to home. Michelle you are a beautiful human being and I wish you success and many blessings for your future.

I don’t read a lot of True Crime type of books but I do enjoy the occasionally biography or even better, a memoir or autobiography. Oddly enough I am quite fascinated by the stories of people who survive being kidnapped and locked away. The Cleveland/Ariel Castro story horrified me beyond belief when the news broke about the escape of three woman and a child from that home in Cleveland. I have since followed what I could, reading of the survival of these three amazingly strong women who were thrust into an unimaginable horror as teenagers/young women. It didn’t take me long to realize that Michelle Knight’s story was tinged with an extra twist of sadness. She was alone. Family didn’t search for her when she went missing and family wasn’t jumping down the doors to get to her when the news broke that she was free. Who was Michelle Knight? Why was she so alone?It didn’t take me long to realize that Michelle Knight was the person that slipped through all the cracks. Her parents failed her, her school systems failed her, the law failed her. Her story is tragic far before you ever get to her kidnapping. She was continuously sexually abused as a child. She was impoverished and used to take care of all the other children who were also living with her family. She ran away and lived homeless on the streets for quite awhile before she was picked up by a drug dealer and started to work for him. It is pretty sad that this time running drugs might have been the happiest in her life. Later she was mistreated by her first boyfriend and became pregnant. Again she had a period of joy and then her son was taken from her by child protective services after he was injured while Michelle was at work. She was doing everything right to get her son back. One day on the way to a court appointed meeting she accepted a ride from Ariel Castro. She hadn’t met him but knew of him and recognized him as the father of a friend of hers. When he said he could get her to the appointment at court, she believed him.Thus begins her decade of torture in Castro’s Cleveland home. She was the first but through the years two other girls join them, Gina DeJesus and Amanda Berry. Gina and Michelle grow close, as they literally are tied together. Castro keeps Amanda separate for the other girls. She is his favorite and while she is still abused he seems to consider her his ‘wife’. Michelle’s account certainly holds nothing back but she tries hard to keep the most graphic torture less graphic. Most of the abuse is implied and not shown on the page in detail which is a relief. Wanted to know what happened in that house doesn’t mean you REALLY want to know if that makes sense. The three woman in this case, must like the girls and women held prisoner in other similar cases are inspiring to me. Just the idea that they can be put through the most unimaginable terrors and still come out alive and ready to fight against those who did this to them is a miracle. This is especially the case for Michelle, who didn’t have the kind of support she should have had when she was brought back into the free world. Michelle showed up to witness the house being torn down and she also testified in court against Castro. She may never be able to reconnect with her son, which is heartbreaking. He is a teenager now and she knows that he is happy, loved, and safe. She is still a relatively young woman and I have hopes that she will have the best, happiest of lives going forward. Whether she changes her name to get a new identity or not, I am so glad I got to know her a little bit in this book.

This is an amazing book beautifully written. Michelle is such a strong and beautiful woman and to hear her suffering that she endored through her life is heartbreaking. I wish her happiness ❤️

Incredibilmente non avevo mai sentito parlare di questo fatto di cronaca. Poi quest'estate ho visto uno speciale sul 9 (davvero ben fatto) e ne sono rimasta scioccata. Tutte le storie mi hanno colpito, mi hanno fatta stare male, ma Michelle mi ha colpito per la sua incredibile forza. Ho scoperto che aveva scritto dei libri e ho comprato subito il primo. É un pugno nello stomaco, ma é anche un libro di speranza, di coraggio, ti sprona a non arrenderti mai. Grazie Michelle ❤️ (anzi Lily Rose, ti seguo anche sui social, ma non sapendo bene l'inglese, non ti ho ancora scritto, ma avrei voluto farlo dal primo momento! E vorrei anche abbracciarti) Non sapendo bene l'inglese, l'ho letto tutto con la traduzione fornita da kindle, é assurdo che non sia stato tradotto.

Also ich muss sagen, als ich anfangs von dem Fall hörte und Michelle im Fernsehen sah, hatte ich über Michelle eine geteilte Meinung. Dann sah ich sich aber vor einigen Wochen im ZDF bei "Aktenzeichen XY ... Spezial" und mein Interesse war geweckt. Also bestellte ich mit die Kindle Ausgabe in Englisch. Ich konnte das Buch dann kaum noch aus den Händen legen. Was für ein trauriges Leben. Schon ihr Start war Dank ihrer Familie und Verwandten nicht der allerbeste. Schule durfte sie kaum besuchen, Körperpflege war in ihrer Familie scheinbar ein Fremdwort und dann noch dieser Verwandte, der sich an ihr regelmäßig verging. Unglaublich traurig! Ihr Trost ist dann ihr Sohn, auch wenn dessen Zeugung bzw. die Geschichte mit seinem Vater auch nicht unbedingt erfreulich ist. Während sie sich nach einem Job umschaut, kommt es zu einem Vorfall mit dem Freund ihrer Mutter und ihrem Sohn, bei dem ihr Sohn mit einer Verletzung im Krankenhaus landet. Das Kind wird ihr schließlich weggenommen und da sie kein Auto hat und auch kein Geld für öffentliche Verkehrsmittel, versucht sie, ihren Sohn zu Fuß zu besuchen oder zu Anhörungen zu gehen. Dabei wird sie eines Tages vom "Dude" abgefangen und unter für Außenstehende absurden Erklärungen in sein Haus gelockt, wo ihr 11-jähirges Martyrium beginnen soll. Man fragt sich, warum ist sie mitgegangen, wenn es ihr doch selbst komisch vor kam. Aber wie das so ist. Manchmal handelt man komisch und fragt sich danach, warum man das gemacht hat. Und man will ja auch nicht komisch da stehen. Immerhin war es der Vater einer Freundin.Mich hat die Kraft und der Mut dieser Frau fasziniert. Sie hat nicht aufgegeben, hat sich als die "große Schwester" für ihre Mitgefangenen eingesetzt. Die arme Frau hat furchtbare Abtreibungen durchlitten. Trotzdem hat sie sich nach ihrer Befreiung getraut, ihrem Peiniger vor Gericht in die Augen zu schauen und auszusagen.Ohne ihr Verschulden, hat sie ihr Kind verloren. Es wurde schließlich adoptiert.Immer wieder wurde ihr vor Augen geführt, dass ihr Verschwinden niemanden interessiere.Trotzdem hat sie gekämpft und sie hat überlebt.Dieses Buch ist definitv lesenswert. Es ist keine Effekthascherei, meiner Ansicht nach.

Just to clarify: I don't love it (reference to the meaning of 5* on Amazon). It's a gruesome story.I heard the story (and Michelle herself) on "Woman's Hour". For once nobody could be wanting to be in the presenter's shoes. As she was picking her way through words carefully (an admirable performance by the way), like someone just about to walk on broken glass, Michelle seemed to be the only one who was talking almost matter-of-factly. What struck me was the warmth in her voice, the abundance of love to everyone (and her son in particular) and seemingly sincere declaration of forgiveness. There was an awkward pause near the end of the programme, where Michelle's coping seemed to slip and difficult things had to be dealt with with the mic off. But after that she was back again full of shining love.They say more then 90% of the universe is dark matter. It seems to be in proportion with what life has allotted to her. But it makes the light brighter. In the circumstances I am awed by the generosity of Michelle's spirit and humbled by her strength. Bless all the people who helped and are helping Michelle. Things like that give hope to us all. As my little contribution to her quest in balancing out her life I decided to buy her book and hope that it'll help her move a little closer to her ultimate goal and the reason for her sparkling love and her longing - her son.

It was amazing to me that Michelle had the strength to write this book, to show the world her soul so openly after forcefully remaining closed off for so many years.Michelle has a great writing style, and her personal optimism in the face of so many different types of adversity - before, during and after her imprisonment - is absolutely inspiring.Reading this book let's you look inside the horrible secrets of Michelle's hidden life, but also points you toward questions of your own, within your life and yourself. I found myself challenging some aspects of my own troubles (we all have them), wondering if & how I too can find the strength of character and will within myself - like Michelle so clearly manages to do despite the unthinkable portion of her life - to forgive, to find purpose, to move forward with grace and understanding as she has done.Michelle's incredible story of survival is truly inspirational. While this is not a self-help book, it is a Master Class on surviving, living better, achieving, and perseverance. In those ways, I found this book both moving and helpful when looking at my own life.When an author manages to get you to relate to her, especially when your stories are wildly different, you know you've found something wonderful.Thank you Amanda, for sharing your innate, undeniable forces of strength, will and goodness with the world. You are already helping people, the way you were meant to do. I hope you find your soul overflowing with music and not knowing that you now not only have a voice, but one of the clearest, loudest and purest voices I've ever had the privilege of hearing.

Amazing, easy read. Great for anyone who's experienced trauma. She's been through one of the worst forms of it. Her strength is amazing.