The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt

I'm a junior in college, well off, and in no sort of life-trouble. I've just never had confidence in myself. I never felt like I was ready to take charge of my life, have never dated, and was always one of the awkward kids who couldn't socialize with new people because my throat would fail to open and my tongue twists on itself every 3 words or so. I was fine with friends and family, most of the time at least (sometimes my parents made me ashamed of myself, despite them doing a single thing or saying a single word. I would simply anxiously think to myself "my parents probably even think I'm weird.") 3 days ago I felt I had hit some sort of rock bottom level of motivation and simultaneously had the highest levels of generalized anxiety I had ever felt. I have always had some degree of anxiety since my teenage years or maybe even earlier, but recently I felt like I was losing control of my mind, losing control of the voice inside my head. Any efforts I made to improve my mental condition were met with self-doubt, I would give up on my efforts, and my confidence would drop even lower. I recognized that I was at a point where I had the potential to spiral into a depression, because my anxiety was beginning to rise at an exponential rate. I must admit I haven't read a book in years. I'm too lazy, reading is too boring, I don't like being told what to do, etc. All of these types of thoughts were preventing me from ever doing it, but I still passed through classes easily somehow, never improving my work ethic, or feeling proud of accomplishing something like reading a book. Well, I read this book in 3 days. One day I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, at approx 6 am. I get up at 11 or later most of the time so this was waaaay to early to get things done. But I couldn't fall back asleep and then my feelings of anxiety as usual just switched back on. Immediately I was just done with that feeling. It was getting worse, after all. I went on Amazon, searched for "confidence books", found this one, didn't read any reviews but saw it had a good rating, bought it for Kindle, put it on my tablet, and started reading. It was a book that I trusted myself to at least open, and as soon as I did, I read some interesting stuff. I first read about how we are NOT our thoughts, we aren't all the culminations of the demands and actions of a dictator inside our head. Like some sort of mental trap, we have stuck ourselves in cycling lies such as a false understanding of motivation ("I'm waiting until I feel motivated to start running."), a false understanding of confidence ("I'm waiting until I feel confident before I try dating."), and a false understanding of fear ("I need to be fearless when I go up on that stage.") I'm trying to stop myself from typing too much. I'm just so excited, because something I have never thought I would ever type into some sort of product review is, this has turned my life around. I redefined my understanding of confidence, have practiced the well researched psychologist-backed methods for defusing from your own thoughts to fully focus on what the senses and what is happening in the present, and finally I can see some sort of path towards improving my confidence. I am not saying after reading the book I am immediately super confident and can make myself do whatever I want to to improve my life, I'm saying I now have the tools and enough understanding of the human psyche that I can actually feel some sort of direction in my life. I fully committed to what the book said. I was always a person who would just skip the details in most tasks. I didn't even read books before. But somehow, before I was reading the book, I had that stroke of anger, about my anxiety, that I felt propelled me into taking action, not this book specifically. But, thanks to specifically this book, I now know how I can CAUSE this to happen, not wait. Because I made an effort while using Russ's methods, and after I recognized that through his writing itself he was actually teaching us the basics of defusing from your thoughts (which blew my mind by the way, thank you Russ), I got totally engaged and focused in the book, and then the book taught me about focus itself, and how all we have to do to be focused and have to peak performance is to defuse and be mindful, and now it's just like everything makes sense. My head is clear. I didn't stop my thoughts, that's not what it's about. It is about truly understand that, once again, we are NOT our thoughts. Last I will mention, without shame, that I had tried using drugs and alcohol to cope with anxiety over the course of about 2 years. This had definitely contributed to making my anxiety worse. I say without shame because I can now admit that I know it was wrong to use them to try and improve my confidence. It was wrong not because I was using illicit substances but because I had believed it to be the answer, and to believe the answer to improving my mentality and attitude towards myself was anything other than taking actual actions was one of the wrongest wrongs I have ever had commited in my life. Now I am moving on. I have properly set goals for myself, like "jog 30 mins tonight", not "be the confident attractive beast you always dreamed of being." And if my mind tells me not to do it, and I can clearly tell that not doing it would not help me, then I have the tools to work around the feelings of discomfort and thoughts of "I can't do it.". And I will keep using these tools in other parts of life, parts I have not yet delved into. I read a book for the first time in 3 years, and now I feel great.

I never write reviews but this is the most impactful book I’ve ever read. If you are reluctant to do anything this is the book for you. It helps you rewire your brain to form a healthy relationship with the negative thoughts and feelings that get in the way of personal growth. I probably wouldn’t even be writing this review if it wasn’t for this book. A must have!

Listened to this book to help with some mental health issues I was having. Good to listen to and helpful. Having the workbook with it makes it easier to use.

Practical. Knowledge packed. Great for ages 11+. As a clinician I’ve brought concepts into treatment often. This is a healthy way to choose an intentional life

I have read more books then I can count on the subject of fear and anxiety. Russ Harris’s books have completely changed my life. I read the Happiness Trap first ( read it!) and my social anxiety went from a 10 to a 4. Im confident it will soon be nonexistent. This book is another gem with even more info. THANK YOU Russ Harris for your brilliant books. I will be recommending them to anyone and everyone that has fear or confidence issues.

This book works! If you're looking for a practical, easy to follow, and extremely helpful book to get you over your lack of confidence, this book is it! The benchmark in my opinion for how to get outside your comfort zone, build confidence, and never look back! The only downside is I wish there was another book that was this helpful! There's nothing else like this book on the market that I've come across! Read this book and you won't be disappointed - the exercises are extremely helpful and will help pull you outside your comfort zone and make you more confident in whatever aspect of your life you apply this towards! I wish I could give this 6 stars because it's that far above anything else I've come across on this subject!

Reading the book was absolutely a teaching journey. All things were explained clearly and easily. Whoever is interested about the topic of true acceptance should first read this book.

This book was OK but fairly forgettable. Most of the advice wasn't very useful for me. A lot of it was about disassociating from your thoughts, which is good advice, but nothing new to me. Mostly the book is about getting the confidence to DO something...I don't really have a problem with that because I've been forcing myself to do things I'm scared of for years. I was looking more for something to help with general confidence and self-assuredness, because despite having lived in four countries by myself, travelled a lot, done higher degrees, lived through some very dangerous situations (9.0 earthquake, tsunami, nuclear disaster) and quit addictions (alcohol, smoking), I still don't really feel like a very self-confident person. However, it was refreshing the way it said you don't have to think positive thoughts and that negative thoughts are normal and don't control yur behaviour. For example, it said, even if you say "I can't lift my arm" over and over, you can still lift your arm. Negative thinking does NOT affect your ability to do things. I guess I am living proof of that. So, neither a bad book nor a great book. A better one for me was "Feeling Good".

Clear, realistic, practical, very inspiring!

... sondern die Art und Weise wie du mit ihnen umgehen. Hast du schonmal eine Situation erlebt, die dir extrem unangenehm war und dich ein Gefühl extremer Nervosität durchströmt hat? Und da du so nervös warst, hast du dir bestimmt über deine Nervosität Gedanken gemacht und schlussendlich gemerkt, dass du dadurch nur noch nervöser wurdest? Oh je, doppelt nervös! Das muss nicht so sein ... und das Buch zeigt dir wie das geht. Das Buch hat meiner Meinung nach gegenüber vielen Selbsthilfebüchern einen riesigen Vorteil: es gibt dir eine Schritt für Schritt Anleitung, wie du mit diesen negativen Gedanken, Gefühlen und Emotionen umgehen kannst und das auf einer sehr realistischen, informativen und nachhaltigen Art und Weise. Zudem zeigt es auch auf, warum eben viele Techniken der Selbsthilfe-Branche nicht langfristig genug gedacht sind und nur kurzfristig etwas bewirken. Aber noch eine kleine Warnung vorweg: Dies ist KEIN Buch, welches man sich einfach nur durchliest und dann weg legt (in der Hoffnung es lösen sich nun alle Probleme). Das macht auch der Autor von Anfang an klar. Wer dieses Buch liest, sollte also auch aktiv mitarbeiten und die Aufgaben erledigen, die der Autor mitgibt. Wer sich aber diesem (auch manchmal schwierigen) Prozess stellt, dem kann ich versichern, dass es der beste Weg ist, ein selbstbestimmtes und erfülltes Leben zu führen. Viel Erfolg!

Read about this book in 2-3 other books, and knew it was a must try. Simple techniques constantly hammered down, to help you remember and practice. Paperback book quality is also 9/10.

This is a fantastic book. A different take than many others on subject. I am enjoying the audible version too although took me a bit to get used to the narrator dry tone. I actually gave away a few of my other books on this subject as this 1 is more realistic or applicable without the usual positive fluff or endless affirmations approach. highly recommended.

One of the most helpful and insightful books I have read