The Same But Different: How Twins Can Live, Love, and Learn to Be Individuals Paperback – February 1, 2014

It's really important to let twins have their individuality. I think that was one of the big takeaways for me, being a twin. As we grew up, we were always known as "the twins." Almost never by name, and a lot of people don't bother to differentiate. So it's kind of minimizing us as people. Yes we look alike, and might even have some of the same mannerisms, but people need to realize they are two separate people. I really couldn't thank the author enough for pointing this out and making people aware. I go to a church, and have been for 16+ yrs, and one parishoner doesn't even bother to differentiate us. Yes being a twin can be fun and rewarding, but it can be very hard, especially if you're put in that box and made to stay there.

My husband is a twin and this book gave me tremendous insight into his experience growing up and how different it was from mine, and how this affects the way we communicate. I also really appreciated that Dr. Friedman discusses something called "twin mystique," the assumption that twins share some magical bond, that they are soul mates, that they inherently understand one another. Thanks to Dr. Friedman, I know see how everyone from parents to friends to the media projects this idealization onto twins which can put tremendous pressure on them and inhibits them from feeling free to develop as truly separate people. As Dr. Friedman says, "when the longing to see twins in a romanticized way prevents others from seeing same-age siblings as individuals, twins feel as if they are merely playing a role in someone else's fantasy." I really have come away from this book with more compassion, patience, and understanding. I am so glad I read this book!

I love this book and author. For the most part the concepts and stories in this book confirm a lot of relationship, social, and psychological dynamics relative to twins that I have long felt and believed but lacked the words to explain to others. I greatly appreciate the tools this book provides.It's also something worth having to share with a significant other to help them understand the world you're coming from.Even though my twin sister and I haven't had a codependent or extremely troubling relationship we have had issues with competitiveness and jealousy, often one sided with the other one oblivious. This book has shined a light on these issues and secret feelings.

Encourages and advices

I highly recommend this book. It's clear, well-written, and most importantly, supportive! The adult twin survey is right on target and the stories of twin relationships were so validating. If you are a twin, treat yourself to this - it's much cheaper than therapy :)

Dr. Joan Friedman combines her personal experience with professional wisdom in this clearly and well written book, which offers many detailed anecdotes and examples of the unique world of the twin relationship in the subjects' own words from each of their sides. Deeply truthful and insightful, Dr. Friedman demonstrates the transition from twins often tethered in a shared orbit to becoming self sustaining individuals complete with the vast richness of independence while still remaining "siblings with the same birthday." Whether you are a twin, parent, relative or friend of twins, or a professional who works with twins, this refreshing look at the twin dynamic will increase your understanding of the magnified challenge of individuation that twins face. It is a must read for anyone touched by the twin relationship.

Dr. Joan Friedman's book clearly identifies the struggles associated with the very natural process of finding yourself as an individual in a twinship. This book is a must read for all twins and anyone else close to them. There is much material out there on the mysticism of being a twin, but nothing until this book on the real-life struggles twins go through when relating to each other as individuals. Being a twin is one of the most intimate relationships we'll ever know, and along with that level of intimacy comes intensity of feelings and emotions....the good ones and the bad ones! This book provides the tools to understand, navigate, and thrive through twin relationship struggles.

I've never in a million years thought I needed to read a book on twin relationships and how they should function because, after all I'm a twin so I would of course know this information by default. UNTIL I CAME ACROSS THIS BOOK! Dr. Friedman's analysis of the issues in twin relationships are accurate, truthful and able to give any twin ultimate perspective on their relationship. This book is definitely a must read for ALL twins but especially ADULT twins regardless of whether or not you are struggling in your relationship. Chances are you'll even find out some interesting things, you didn't know about yourself :-)) Do yourself a favor and get this book today!