Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow

This book was life-changing. I lost my father when I was seven and was not allowed to grieve. I read this book fifty years later, and it opened the door to all the loss I was not given permission to feel as a child. I could only read it a little at a time, but it allowed the healing I hadn't found earlier. This is an important book on many levels. It';s not an easy book, but it is transformative.I had to read the book a chapter at a time and then reflect on it. I survived quite a bit of loss from the time I was a very small child, and this book helped me to understand the impact of that loss. One or two chapters opened up very deep emotions. I spent one weekend in bed sobbing after reading one. nevertheless, I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with loss or abandonment issues. It was wonderfully insightful and helped me deal with issues too long buried.

Judith Viorst is an excellent author with an amazing psychoanalytic perspective.She really puts the experience of having a damaging/dysfunctioning parent, partner, sibling, friend, and YOU into perspective.Different marriage dynamics, a “mismatch” in neonate/parent temperament, parents with inappropriate boundaries, parents who would rather set their children on fire than be burdened with raising them, spouses who require constant doting and validation but feel a deep betrayal when asked to reciprocate…It’s all here, plus so much more. Highly recommend!

I first came across Judith Viorst's *Necessary Losses* when it first came out in 1986. I was a 26 year old first year MSW student in a clinical program, and took away from the book, which made a great impression upon me, that it was about how friendships change, that there are different friends for different times and places--and that is how I referred to the book for years. Just last year I reread it as a 57 year old who, disillusioned and ready for something new, had long ago left the profession of social work. I was reminded that Viorst's writing is informed by her psychoanalytic training but exudes the warmth and passion that characterize the very best therapists no matter what their theoretical foundation. She is also a great writer--my favorite of her books being one for children and the adults who think like them,*Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day*-- and in no way felt outdated when I reread the book in 2014. This time, however, the parts that stood out for me were about aging and navigating the inevitable losses that go with a time of life unimaginable to my younger self but all too real for who I am now. And that, to me, makes this book a classic, fresh and new at whatever age you happen to be when you read it.

This book is absolutely fabulous....until it gets to the part about aging, when it becomes clear the author is writing about a stage of life she has not yet experienced. Her section on sexuality in the senior years is all too brief, and doesn't acknowledge or go into the fact that the mechanics of sex change in later years, and how one approaches those changes, and how the concepts of intimacy and physical closeness undergo shifts. I hope she will revise this book to address these things, which she is now old enough to have experienced herself.

Read all of this author's books, and keep these near, so you may read areas of each book that will keep mentally healthy 👍

I haven't finished the book yet, but I find that after five years of intensive therapy I have finally found a self-help book that has helped me with a breakthrough which I have been unable to make. I have cried through it and found it very well written for the laymen. To think I used to love her children's books, especially, "Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good awful day". She knows from whence she speaks and has helped me to realize that life is full of losses from the moment we are born. It is how we are taught to deal with them that enables us to become as well adjusted adults as we can be. It isn't just about people who have died, it is about living with losses through separation, from child to adult; losses of periods of our lives, losses of joy, or even emotions. I can't say much more. My therapist, who is excellent, told me I was ready to read the book, and I was and still am. And I love being able to cry and mourn the losses that I always thought were silly to feel anything about.

The media could not be loaded.  I started to read it, and the pages kept falling out. It’s a really good book but the pages don’t stay in they just come out, which is very frustrating since it is kind of a thick book! It makes me very sad because it is a very interesting read. I don’t think it’s worth the amount of money due to the pages falling out.

Great book

This classic book is a must-read.

Ich habe dieses Buch in Deutsch gelesen als Geschenk meines besten Freundes, und ich habe seine Lektüre nie bereut (jenes deutsche Buch ist 40 Jahre her). - Ich lese es heute am interessiertesten von dem Kapitel "Ich werde alt - ich werde alt" an, und ich gewinne daran so wie vor 40 Jahren. Ich bin nicht eigentlich Freudianer, aber diese zutiefst menschliche Umsetzung der Lehre hat mir immer geholfen. Es ist sicherlich eins der am meisten gelesenen Bücher von mir, deshalb habe ich es mir als Kindle-Version gekauft: hier kann man das Buch nicht zerlesen.

This book makes you think and reflect on your own life, your own losses and the way you may handle future losses. It is not a self help book in my opinion, it is a thoughtful book and I really enjoyed it.

Bad book

BonjourLe papier du livre est trop fin.Et rend la lecture moins ergonomiqueBonne journeeBien a vousDavid Creutz