The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

Is from 1972. A little dated so be open to that. But a staple. I’d recommend it. Used at meetings w title of book. Provokes good discussions and support.

A good, solid, "basics" book, but for me it definitely could use a bit of updating to reflect the significant social changes that have occurred since it was published. For example, the book primarily assumes that the wife is the sober one, and the husband the alcoholic. This may still be the case for many (unfortunately) but as we all know this is an equal-opportunity disease, and often *both* partners have a problem. The language also assumes that the woman in the relationship is in a (long past) "traditional" role of stay-at-home wife and mother (with one exception that mentions a "career woman" who worked the program). So you still have examples like the woman hosting dinner parties for the husband's co-workers (!) and the like.If you can keep in mind that the social roles were different when the book was written--but that overwhelming message of not being co-dependent and/or creating an atmosphere where the alcoholism can continue still rings true--then it's an excellent book.

****This book is excellent for marriages when one of the partners is an alcoholic; it is also good for codependent marriages in general. Much of the book would apply to marriages where a partner is abusive, even if not alcoholic. The advice and illustrations are hands-on and useful. The book is about a hundred pages and very dated; however, the information is still valuable and well worth the price.I have my copy highlighted throughout. Here is a sample quote:"To see this situation realistically, she would have to understand how desperately the guilt-tormented alcoholic needs such weapons to bolster his own ego. When he uses these weapons to attack, it is not because he hates his wife but because he hates himself and needs to reassure himself that he is not all bad. He finds fault with the person nearest to him because it makes it a little easier for him to tolerate himself."This book is a useful support to the spouse of an alcoholic, reflecting the Al-Anon philosophy and general good common sense, which is sometimes overlooked by the partner in the throes of chaos generated by living with an alcoholic/abusive partner. Highly recommended.****

As all literature from Al-anon, this book is sympathetic to the dilemma of the codependent spouse dealing with an alcoholic/addict, but it gives much more than sympathy. It is also very firm in telling us what we need to do to put the focus on taking care of ourselves no matter what the spouse is doing. The book is a quick read that should be referred to again and again, especially by a beginner. It is also a must read for those of us who grew up in alcoholic family systems and who have married other addictive and compulsive types, such as workaholics, food addicts, ragers, compulsive spenders, gamblers, sex addicts, etc. This book can be an eye-opener for those that feel they would be perfectly happy if their spouses were not using or drinking, because the book constantly reinforces that recovery has to start with us first, no matter what our spouses might be doing.

Hope it helps my family member.

I bought this book with mixed emotions. I was both excited to read something that may be able to help me to voice my thoughts, feelings, and ideas about my alcoholic relationships, and I was hesitant to read it because I thought the advice would be dated. In the end, I'm genuinely glad that I bought it. I don't agree with everything it says, but I think the overall message of understanding the perception differences in the relationship between myself and the alcoholic was essential for me to learn.

Very useful stuff in here. Glad to know the information is still viable in 2015. Written in the early 70's so it assumes different male/female roles. Doesn't make patterns of alcoholic behavior and the role of the non-alcoholic any different. Good book!

Thank you!

This is an old book - and it shows - there are some very strange sections in it on the role of women (and men for that matter), but, if you can get past that it is chock-a-block full of gems and really useful material - a must for anyone living with an alcoholic....

Was ok

Excellent product. Shipping was longer than expected.