The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society

In the 1957 film "Funny Face", Audrey Hepburn becomes romantically involved with a wounder healer from Paris, France. The result is a disaster. His instructions about caring spill over into sexual exploitation. Fortunately, she escapes but not without some scars.We find in Nouwen's book some thoughtful instructions for understanding our neighbors. We also learn some things about boundaries and respect for privacy. But there are serious limitations to the kind of thing Nouwen advocates. Consider this statement:"The mystery of one man is too immense and too profound to be explained by another man." WH, p 62.The inner thoughts of our pysche are built on layers of information gathered over millions of moments. The typsy architecture beneath these layers is built around episodes of major trauma and sustained trust. If we open the windows on someone's unstable reality, we could cause more damage than good. Although we might need to be there as a source of stability and trust, we cannot hope to understand everything.Nouwen's book came out a decade after the film "Funny Face". The two are not connected as far as I know. I love the book, but I also agree with the film's message. Where there are serious risks, there must be thoughtful limitations. Read the book carefully, check out the film, and see for yourself. The message here is timeless, and especially relevant in our age of gross exploitation, often by wounded healers.

Wasn’t too fond of the book at the beginning but I decided to give it a chance and I can genuinely say that I am glad that I did. Also, there was not too many pages and did not take me long to finish at all.

This is a complex book on a topic that all too often is reduced to oversimplified solutions. We expect our books on healing to be rife with clinical studies and devotional exegesis on selected Biblical verses, passages, or stories. When we are without these two guideposts, many people become uncomfortable. What is a book (and who is an author) that dares to not reference directly either one of these great guides? What (and who) indeed.Written forty years ago, this book could have been written today. The disconnectedness, the loneliness, the isolation, and the inability to see the future as a relevant and anticipatory reality remains just as heightened today, even if the casual sex and drug use prevalent when this was written has been mainstreamed in many ways so as not to seem so jarring. In a culture in which always-connected is not just a possibility but an emotional necessity for many young people, this isolation only seems more acute. We can poke each other on Facebook, but how well does anyone really know us? And visa versa? When friendship becomes a commodity that we compete to acquire for social leveraging and virtual influence (not new in itself, but much more blatant now that we can see the numbers), can you really trust anyone's friendship?This book is not easy to read. It is philosophical and theological. Many might claim that it is not practical. Nouwen does not reduce healing to a matter of twelve steps or six necessities or an action plan. Because, of course, healing is not that simple, either for the healer or the healed. Nouwen rather argues that we are all affected by the malaise of isolationism and the undercurrents of hopelessness and cynicism that streak our culture. We are all wounded, all in need of healing. Anyone familiar with the writings of Francis Schaffer and other philosopher/theologians of the period will find Nouwen's musings to be representative.Nouwen makes some observations on the process of listening to those who are wounded, and how to move beyond the clinical listening that reflects but never engages, affirms that something has been said but never demonstrates that what has been said has any effect or meaning to the hearer. Good stuff here, though hardly what most would consider 'practical' or 'hands on' today.Nouwen ends with a fascinating assertion - the idea that hospitality can be a way forward in dealing with the isolationism of our age. That in opening our homes and ourselves to others, we create environments where real connection and real healing can occur. For those who decry the lack of Biblical references in this book, I'd suggest consideration of 1 Timothy 3:2. There, in the midst of many other, more easily defined attributes, "hospitality" is indicated as an important quality of Christian leadership. In my admittedly little reading thus far, I have yet to find a text that deals with this particular quality in any meaningful way. Yet I see the lack of this quality as pervasive in our culture. When no one can be trusted, how can we invite them into our homes, or allow ourselves to be brought into theirs? How can hospitality truly be engaged in when people are conditioned to reject it as suspicious and full of potential harm? Coincidence? I suspect not. I believe that Nouwen is hitting on a key issue here. Not in a manner that solves a problem and enables us to check another box off of our 'to-do' list for the week, but in such a way as we alter the environment of the relationships in our lives. We become real to others, and allow them to be real with us. The difference that hospitality can make in a relationship is something that has been borne out repeatedly by experience in my life, both personally and ministerially, yet I doubt we'll likely see a clinical study on it any time soon.This is not an easy book to read if you are not familiar with philosophy or theology. But it's a worthwhile one. It prompts us to stop and consider that programs are not necessarily what is needed when someone is hurting. They need to know they are heard. That they are not alone either existentially or in their particular hurt, and that it is ok that they are hurt and expressing themselves. Valuable reminders in our clinical, programmatic age.

I came alongside this author in preparation for a time of sharing his thoughts for a pastoral retreat and found my maturing self while on the journey. I am so thankful for the growth. The author helped to give explanations for my experiences, reaffirmation to my conclusions, and most of all opened a doorway to my earthly journey with endless possibilities.

Nouwen writes about his visit to the Haight Ashbury district of San Francisco and his reflections on the impact of the HIV virus on the lives of people living there. He does not find fault, he does not condemn, nor does he use Christianity to polarize the reader against those who so shell-shocked by the possibility they may be infected that they avoid testing, as I've read in the books by other Christian leaders. Rather, Nouwen approaches them with compassion. In many ways, San Francisco became a refugee camp, filled with young men and women who were condemned by their families and neighbors and forced to leave their homes. The Haight was an area they could find acceptance and understanding in a time when the fear of AIDS was rampant in American society. It was an infection that touched families of the affluent and the poor of all ethnicities, men and women, and of all religions. I remember Henry visiting the infected son of a Catholic family in Oakland. He came with an open heart at a time when AIDS led to a certain death. His ability to reach to others was based on the time he spent understanding his own pain, his own sinfulness, and the forces that led him to judge others. He was, indeed, the wounded healer.

If you are a caregiver of any kind, you owe it to yourself to read this book.

He was young when he wrote this book. Over the years he gained so much wisdom, his later books reflect this.

Understanding the pain and suffering we experience in our life time and to use the experiences to care for others who experience similar pain and suffering. Jesus showed love and compassion to the lonely and abandoned.

Really helpful to understand people and I am learning about the generations and their mindsets but this was written in the 1970s and is more about the boomers (the then “modernists”) however I can see gen z in the boomer thinking. Interesting, and so helpful this book.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Its small but packs a punch. As a Christian studying to be a counsellor, I wanted something that would guide me as to how I can mix my two passions effectively; counselling and faith. Nouwen shows that the two can go hand in hand without conflict.Throughout my studying as a counsellor my own wounds have inevitably come to the surface and this book has helped me to not run from them but to embrace them as gifts to help others to heal.I absolutely loved this sentence "The great illusion of leadership is to think that man can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there."This is one of those return to books to remind you what loving others is all about and the gift to be found and shared in your own pain. I can't recommend it enough.Not just for ministers and leaders but for anyone who desires authentic interactions with those who are in pain

Many things have changed in society since this book has been written. And yet it seems to have lost none of its relevance. His proposal of ministry based on hospitality is particularly pertinent and his explanation of what HOSPITALITY should look like especially in the heart of the minister, is particularly rich. He makes a very good point in that he shows that ministry without personal involvement will be extremely fruitless, if not downright harmful. Effective ministry requires being in deeply in touch with one's own woundedness and a deep willingness for vulnerability. Thank you for a very thought-provoking book!

A great book

This is a very interesting book written by someone who discovered the strenght of God in what to us humans seems to be weak. In our weakness we come closer to God