First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors: Modern-Day Secrets to Being Desired, Cherished, and Adored for Life Paperback – June 2, 2015

I've never been so open in an Amazon review, but here goes...I've been married to my second husband for 2 1/2 very rocky years. We were both totally love struck while we dated. As soon as we got married, major problems began. Fighting, yelling, passive aggressiveness, selfishness, bitterness, resentment, insults... I could go on and on, but chances are if you're reading this you have a similar list. I've questioned where my sweet, thoughtful, attentive man went. Where's the guy I dated?!? Does he not love me? Did he ever??We tried marriage counseling and that didn't help. We read Love Languages, Venus/Mars, and several other of the most popular relationship books that had glowing reviews. Still no lasting improvement. Every day felt like a struggle. We were both exhausted, cranky, and I was getting depressed. There was lots of crying and contemplating divorce. I believed we had tried everything and that my husband simply would never treat me the way he had in the beginning.I'm not certain how I stumbled across First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors (although the catchy title did stand out), but I began to read the reviews. I will admit to scoffing at most of them. I was especially incredulous when I read the woman's review saying the book had greatly improved her marriage in one day... One day??! I wondered if the author had 30 of her friends to write up fake positive reviews.But I ordered the Kindle version on a curious whim. I had nothing left to lose but a miserable marriage and a jerk of a husband after all. Or so I thought. Throughout the entire first chapter, I actually laughed out loud and exclaimed, "This is bull$***," several times. Why is this author so excited to impart her "wisdom?" What kind of scam IS this? What she says is possible is just. not. possible. for my relationship. So let's say I was a bit skeptical :)Let me now assure you I'm a real person, with real kids, real laundry, real insecurities, real problems, and real emotions. Because you lovely, lovely women reading this may roll your eyes so hard you can see your brain stem when I get this next statement out...I had only read the first two skills the author writes about when I decided to experiment on my husband, who by the way is out of town so we were only talking via phone, and it worked. IT WORKED. Within five minutes of me following the book's suggestions (remember, I'm not even halfway through), I heard a tenderness in my husband's voice I haven't heard in months and months. I wondered if that was wishful thinking on my part. Nope! After we got off the phone, my husband sent a text to say he misses me. Whaaaa???? Misses me?? He misses me! If your relationship is in the poor condition mine has been in, you know that was momentous. Ahhhh, he misses me!Please do not interpret my review to mean the necessary changes will instantly "feel natural." You may have to white knuckle it for a bit, but... If you're like me, you've been white knuckling your relationship for a while so you can totally do it. The skills are simple. They are actually enjoyable. They make more sense than anything I've ever heard or read about marriage. Oh! And here's a plus: Your husband doesn't have to read it for it to be effective :)I think this is a fabulously empowering book for women with husbands/boyfriends who wonder why their men are irritable, uncaring, selfish, lazy, inattentive, and angry. "Why won't my husband stop looking at his phone and pay attention to me??" You CAN transform yourself and your relationship.P.S. To the wife who left the review saying her marriage improved in one day: I'm sorry I doubted you! Congrats and may you live happily ever after :)

Hi, I agree Marriage counselors may not help. They don't know you and may not be happy in their marriage also and focusing on the problems is a negative way to deal with them. Focusing on what is positive in the relationship may bring more good into the relationship.Excellent book for women who control their husband too much like a child and they are the critical mom instead of a loving wife. Letting the husband do things himself/let him plan dates/let him make mistakes without pointing it out/let him feel worthy/praise/good enough/valuable and not like everything he does is wrong/mistake may keep a marriage together and restore it to happiness/wholeness. To me the controlling person has fear and is a perfectionist...is codependency. Worrying about what others think/people pleasing/critical is not good. The husband needs respect and treated like an adult. I could not relate at first...could not see how woman could treat their spouse like this...in a demeaning way. Woman may not realize how their anxiety is causing the controlling. To me people may not be compatible so divorce. Men want respect...women want love. To treat the spouse like a kid is bad or to ignore them is not good or treat kids with more attention than the husband is not good. I enjoy watching friends...wife/husband..treat each other respectfully and as a team/have fun etc.. Marriage should not be "hell", but heaven on earth at least in their house away from the world. I don't agree Men always should handle the money or always say yes to sex if not feeling well. I prefer separate accounts and sex when right time. Guys should not be treated like kids/garbage and expect a marriage to thrive. The grass is not always greener on the other side. A controlling wife that goes to another marriage and controls also may lose that marriage. People need to learn how to really love/treat others like they want to be treated. Acting feminine is good, but giving up all control is not good. Best wishes.

Even though my relationship was not in trouble, this helped me take the good in my relationship and make it even better. There were many ideas I agreed with while I was reading, though had never had concrete phrases or ways to express those ideals in my relationship. My husband responded extremely well to the subtle changes I made. He tells me all the time how much he loves the way I am and how he doesn't see many women who treat men this well. He truly spoils me in return!This book helps women take the perspective of men and learn what respect sounds like in their language. For us women who think we know everything, the information in Laura's book is eye opening and honest. It does take a humble heart to soak in the material presented and reflect on oneself and past/present behavior. The approach of focusing on oneself and changing what one can change, rather than focusing on another and how we think they should change is what makes this information valuable and effective.Also, as someone who took Masters classes to become a marriage counselor and considered it for years, I agree with Laura's stance on marriage counseling. She does not speak in absolutes (i.e. "all marriage counselors are bad"), rather she presents the ways in which the system of marriage counseling is flawed.If you're at the end of your rope in your marriage, or just looking for a way to better love your husband and increase the intimacy in your marriage, then certainly give this book a try!