Clowns Vs. Spiders

Clowns Vs. Spiders** by Jeff Strand is an outrageously fun and delightfully creepy read that masterfully blends humor and horror. Jaunty the Clown and his fellow performers, struggling to make ends meet after being fired from the circus, take up jobs at a haunted attraction. Their lives take a terrifying turn when oversized spiders invade, turning their nightmare roles into a real battle for survival.Strand's sharp, witty dialogue and brisk pacing keep readers engaged from start to finish. The novel's seamless switch between laugh-out-loud moments and genuine scares makes it a standout in the horror-comedy genre.*Clowns Vs. Spiders* is a wildly entertaining clash of humor and horror, showcasing Jeff Strand's unique ability to make readers both laugh and shiver. Highly recommended for fans of quirky, dark comedy.

Spiders is definitely not Shakespeare, but it is a total hoot! I loved it. I love creepy, crawly horror and this one certainly has plenty to make your admin crawl, but it will also make you lauClowns vsgh like a crazy person. It had my husband eyeing me nervously out of the corner of his eye because I kept snickering at the crazy dialogue.Example: "If this happens to me, I want you to finish me off," Jaunty told Wagon. "Just throw my cocoon to the ground, jump into the air, and stomp on my skull until it breaks apart. I don't want to live like that." "Noted," said Wagon. "And I'll do the same for you." Wagon shook his head. "No, I want to live as long as possible. Even if spiders are dragging me away, don't do any of that 'merciful death' stuff. I want to squeeze out every speck of life I can, even if I'm in agonizing pain. Don't pull the plug on me." "Oh," said Jaunty. "Okay. I won't." "Tell the others." "I will." "I mean it. I want you to exhaust every possible option, no matter how experimental the procedure, before you let me die." "Gotcha." They returned to their car and got inside. "How bad was it?" asked Bluehead. "There were swollen paralyzed children with pus or something leaking out of their faces," said Jaunty. "So it was pretty bad," said Wagon. "They understood that based on what I said," Jaunty told him. "I just wanted to contribute."Straight faced dialogue ( from 'sweet' clowns made up to be scary clowns, running from huge spiders no less) delivered in a way that' s hysterical. A really fun little romp of a book. Would make a great satirical, B horror movie in the vein of Tucker and Dale vs Evil.

Wow! Reading this definitely reminds me of Eight Legged Freaks and those other giant spider movies. Except it has clowns as the main characters.The clowns just want to make people happy but due to how things are these days people think clowns are scary (yes we mean Pennywise) so they lose their job at the traveling circus. The only new job the group of clowns could find was at a scary haunted House type attraction in Virginia. But these middle age clowns don't want to scare people.. They want to do funny stuff to make people laugh. And the main character is the worse at being scary because he has a big heart and if he makes a young child cry in fear he feels guilty. This of course leads to on the job issues....But no worry because the huge horde of spiders is coming!There is a bit of humor in here too. The clowns have some very bizarre conversations between each other. They most definitely are not normal. But then who is?By the end I felt sorry for the clowns, especially with the one scene near the end. That scene was not happy at all. It was downright cruel. Lots of hatred. The clowns in here are trying to save people the best they can from venomous hungry spiders but they really don't have the proper tools.Some scenes are very bloody.And even while I was approaching the end I had no idea how this story would end. It just seemed so impossible. Thousands of spiders everywhere. And you know how insects like creatures are (yes they are arachnids) as they lay eggs. Which makes it almost impossible to actually get rid of them. Although mankind tries they never have actually gotten rid of any of the nasty bugs whether it be mosquitoes or fleas or bed bugs or termites ... Etc etc etc. So these spiders may be around for a long time.But I believe the actual purpose of this story is to remind us that clowns are funny and they are not evil. They are supposed to make us laugh and to keep the bull riding cowboy alive another day. They are acrobats. So yes the story has a good message.And its a very fast paced action story with some very creepy spider filled scenes...Lots of fun and a quick read!

It's literally in the title. It's clowns versus spiders. You get what you get.Initially, the tongue-in-cheek humor seemed a bit forced and over-the-top, which kind of threw me out of the book a bit, but once I got used to it, it became a fun vacation read.Do not take this book seriously in any way, shape, or form, but I don't think that was the author's intent anyway.

For once, the clowns aren't the bad guys... Funny, witty, bloody and gory, this is something fresh, like the first drop of blood you draw by stepping on a Lego block...

Clown vs Spiders - 5/5By Jeff Strand“WHEN PEOPLE THINK OF CLOWNS, THEY THINK OF CREEPY F*CKERS HIDING IN CLOSETS. THEY THINK YOU’VE GOT A BUTCHER’S KNIFE BEHIND YOUR BACK. THEY THINK YOU’RE LURKING IN THE SEWER, READY TO YANK OFF SOME LITTLE KIDS ARM IN THE RAIN”I love a good story about clown - even more so when they are written by an author I absolutely love!I love the premise of this book - good circus clowns down on their luck having to become bad haunted house clowns just to eat! Throw in giant mutant spiders and you have an absolutely awesome story - with serious eight legged freaks vibes!I thought the attention to detail in this book was brilliant - I really LOVED the little spiders on every other page!

Yep. Jeff once more gives us an unfortunately short but utterly enjoyable yarn. And do Not be misled by the title... Read (listen) and enjoy that quirky guru of horror with a wry grin Jeff Strand.. Thanks Mate.. Although, just quietly a story of longer duration would be appreciated... And why is there no audio for Wolf Hunt 3 ???

I was won over by the premise and Strand, once again, did not disappoint. Fast-paced absurdity and sudden blasts of pitch-black humour and plot ideas only a very strange person would think of and also a man angrily saying: "In your attempts to salvage the dignity of the clown race, you've brought disgrace to clowns everywhere. You ****ing suck, Jaunty!"

These Clowns wanted a simple life until the deadly giant spider horde attacked. Now they have to survive and try to help people, but it's hard to help when everyone is afraid of clowns.