The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People Paperback – May 1, 2002

Please ignore the reviews of people here who haven't read the book, or people with an agenda or people talking about "logical fallacies" without seemingly knowing what that means.This book is an examination of the sexual practices of a wide variety of species of animals, including humans. The book concludes that there are significant evolutionary advantages to non-monogamous sexual relationships and there seem to be very clear bodily adaptations that evolved because of this. These points are just not arguable in good faith.The book doesn't draw any conclusions about the "naturalness" of monogomy except that it is rare, because that discussion is metaphysics at best; the religious among us use "natural" as a proxy for "our interpretation of gods will" or "how we think society ought to be". We live in a dangerous age where people are willing to deny the truth as it suits them. We have a duty as rational beings to accept objective truth no matter how unpalatable.I think the book is a very good read if you're at all interested in the topic. I did not however find the writing style very interesting, and I had trouble keeping track of the many many types of animals discussed and their various traits. I also felt the conclusion was far too apologetic towards current societal beliefs and a bit simple minded. Nevertheless, a good read if you're interested in the subject.

While some may not initially see the comparisons of avian social vs. sexual monogamy to human social and sexual interactions as relevant, Barash and Lipton's additional citations from both human behavioral and physiological data prove it to be aptly related. The conclusion they drew from these data seems to be about as inductively strong as could be expected in 2001: humans are not instinctively sexually monogamous. Additional research over the last 18 years has only strengthened this claim.In reading this, individuals who have faced, or who are currently facing, a partner involved in 'extra-pair copulation' (and are experiencing all of the feelings that may accompany it which have been instilled within us from our society) may be ultimately dealing with some sensitive responses including:1) Rejecting the data outright, no matter how strong the inferences may be, because if they accept the data they may:2) Be racked with guilt over the fact that, while their partner did indeed break a promise (spoken or societally implied), the promise was (most likely) made in ignorance of the biological imperatives at work within their body and mind. Even more, the guilt may deepen as they realize that the relationship did not have to end over sex and that maybe "if we both had only known that we were entering into an agreement contrary to human instincts (like celibacy for most human beings), maybe we both would have responded differently and the friendship that we had would not have ended…" However, even with such regret, perhaps this information could:3) Allow the offended partner a deeper level of understanding of themselves and others, thusly aiding them in bestowing forgiveness towards the one who committed the infraction of breaking a promise nature never intended them to make. Such forgiveness may not perfectly fix the relationship, but it may allow for a deeper healing for both parties.All in all, this work has the ability to soothe or pain depending upon the reader's attachment to monogamy as a moral concept; if they believe that monogamy is the 'right' thing to do (or a categorical imperative), they will probably reject the empirical data found within. However, if they are even slightly open to the possibility that monogamy might not be as virtuous as we are socially influenced to believe, then perhaps it will allow for healing, or at the very least a deeper understanding of the world around them.

Very scientific perspective of how polyamory is in our genes....would recommend this book for those struggling with the issues, but it's not a silver bullet.

Tackling a topic of far-reaching social importance requires a thorough examination of the myriad facets that comprise any social/cultural institution. While I felt that the biological/evolutionary aspects were covered in great detail (perhaps a bit too well covered unless you are a passionate ornithologist), there was a noticeable dearth of anthropological/psychosocial/spiritual evidence/discussion. With any cultural institution (not unlike voting or paying taxes), a thorough examination of its social origins is critical if we are to judge its merits or validity in our own time. Because of this relative silence (not to overlook the scant paragraphs dedicated to Engels view of monogamy emerging with free market forces), I found the book to lack a necessary depth which would allow for a more meaningful dialog. The authors spend 3/4 of the book outlining in painstaking detail the sexual lives of birds (and a few other species) with such care and attention to detail that I experienced a dramatic let-down when I arrived at their hollow conclusion (which I will not reveal here as a spoiler). If they had dedicated even a third of that energy on fleshing out the social/religious/political etiology of an institution that impacts the vast majority of individuals on the planet, the book would have been a smash! As it stands, I finished the book feeling optimistic that this topic could get some more serious traction if only someone else came along and filled in all those blanks. Any takers?

In spite of both author's witty and humorous writing style that made the text bearable, I would equate reading this text to eating rubber. That being said The Myth of Monogamy is one of the few books I am calling a masterpiece. The book contains 192 pages for which the authors cite 190 articles. A definite must-read for all considering marriage or already married, those in relationships or the dating scene, or even for those who simply wish to better understand themselves and others.

I love this book! It explains so much, dispels misinformation. Monogamy isn’t what some might think. Definitely recommended!

I love it