---
product_id: 12506501
title: "I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide"
price: "€ 26.79"
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---

# I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide

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## Description

I'm OK-You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide [Harris, Thomas] on desertcart.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. I'm OK-You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide

Review: Much better than OK - In this book Dr. Harris sets out to relay how we can understand our behavior using simple terminology. He also attempts to explain why people don't live as good as they know how to live, and why they often act against their own self-interest. Dr. Harris asserts that within every human being there are 3 psychological roles. These roles are constructed based on "recordings" of what a person sees, hears, and experiences from birth through childhood. The 3 roles are: Parent- The admonitions and rules that a child heard from his parents and witnessed in what they did; the recording of external events. The no's, the don't's, the praise, the criticism. The author includes some common phrases I'm sure many people have heard from their parents such as "You're judged by the company you keep," "Clean your plate," "You can never trust a man/woman," and so on. This is the authority figure within each person, this is the part that tells others what they're doing wrong and doles out criticism or guidance, and when we beat ourselves up for doing something wrong or not doing enough this is the role we take on; that of the Parent. Child- The feelings a person feels when he is experiences various interactions with other human beings, mostly his parents; the recording of internal events. Because very young children are unable to converse, most of their early recordings are feelings. Dr. Harris writes "The predominant by-product of the frustrating, civilizing process is negative feelings. On the basis of these feelings the little person early concludes, "I'm not OK" (p. 28). He goes on to say "Frequently we find ourselves in situations where we...find ourselves in a corner. These hook the "hook the Child," and cause a replay of the original feelings of frustration, rejection, or abandonment. When anger dominates his reason, we say his Child is in command" (p. 30). The Child also contains positive qualities including creativity. Adult- The ability to view reality objectively and make decisions based on those objective facts. "Adult data accumulates as a result of the child's ability to find out for himself what is different about life from the "taught concept" of life in his Parent and the "felt concept" of life in his Child. The Adult develops a "thought concept" of life based on data gathering and data processing" (pg. 31). What happens when people in different psychological roles interact? What happens when a person's Child interacts with another person's Parent? Read this book to find out. Dr. Harris uses other terminology such as "strokes" (recognition or validation) and the various ways people go about attaining those strokes. A passage which caught my attention noted how Child-Child transactions rarely last very long. The author notes how the hippie movement faded because by cutting off the source of disapproval (Parent) the hippies also cut off their source of valid praise. "Boy to girl: "Of course I love you. I love everybody!" (p. 78). If everybody is special, strokes no longer mean anything. He also elaborates on what he views as the 4 ego states a person can hold about himself and the other people: -I'm Not OK, You're OK -I'm OK, You're Not OK, -I'm Not OK, You're Not OK, -I'm OK, You're OK. This was not necessarily a challenging read, though it caused me to think about how I interact with others, how the behavior of other people causes me to sometimes think irrationally ("hooking my Child"), and it's given me another way to view other human beings. Highly recommended.
Review: Got in Ebook of Old Favorite - I read this book at least 50 years ago and I still use it as a reference, so bought the Ebook... I have found it is, in my opinion, the easiest way to apply a bit of psychology to your own life... It uses a simply variety of decisions you can make for yourself... I'm OK - and You're OK... as opposed to I'm Ok and You're NOT OK... or sadly I'm Not OK and You're Not OK...and something must be done... I've been sharing with a new friend of mine to help her use the simple tools... For me, it automatically goes into use as I consider somebody with whom I might have strong feelings... If I know I'm OK...then what is the problem with the other guy? Get the idea? BTW, I did take several classes on practicing it as well... So if you have some trouble thinking about it at first...just take your time, Know Thyself is the Goal... Gabbie

## Technical Specifications

| Specification | Value |
|---------------|-------|
| Best Sellers Rank | #34,515 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #214 in Interpersonal Relations (Books) #267 in Self-Esteem (Books) #907 in Personal Transformation Self-Help |
| Customer Reviews | 4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars (2,198) |
| Dimensions  | 5.31 x 0.72 x 8 inches |
| Edition  | Reprint |
| ISBN-10  | 0060724277 |
| ISBN-13  | 978-0060724276 |
| Item Weight  | 8.8 ounces |
| Language  | English |
| Print length  | 320 pages |
| Publication date  | July 6, 2004 |
| Publisher  | Harper Perennial |

## Images

![I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide - Image 1](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61DFwamUMKL.jpg)

## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Much better than OK
*by R***N on May 23, 2014*

In this book Dr. Harris sets out to relay how we can understand our behavior using simple terminology. He also attempts to explain why people don't live as good as they know how to live, and why they often act against their own self-interest. Dr. Harris asserts that within every human being there are 3 psychological roles. These roles are constructed based on "recordings" of what a person sees, hears, and experiences from birth through childhood. The 3 roles are: Parent- The admonitions and rules that a child heard from his parents and witnessed in what they did; the recording of external events. The no's, the don't's, the praise, the criticism. The author includes some common phrases I'm sure many people have heard from their parents such as "You're judged by the company you keep," "Clean your plate," "You can never trust a man/woman," and so on. This is the authority figure within each person, this is the part that tells others what they're doing wrong and doles out criticism or guidance, and when we beat ourselves up for doing something wrong or not doing enough this is the role we take on; that of the Parent. Child- The feelings a person feels when he is experiences various interactions with other human beings, mostly his parents; the recording of internal events. Because very young children are unable to converse, most of their early recordings are feelings. Dr. Harris writes "The predominant by-product of the frustrating, civilizing process is negative feelings. On the basis of these feelings the little person early concludes, "I'm not OK" (p. 28). He goes on to say "Frequently we find ourselves in situations where we...find ourselves in a corner. These hook the "hook the Child," and cause a replay of the original feelings of frustration, rejection, or abandonment. When anger dominates his reason, we say his Child is in command" (p. 30). The Child also contains positive qualities including creativity. Adult- The ability to view reality objectively and make decisions based on those objective facts. "Adult data accumulates as a result of the child's ability to find out for himself what is different about life from the "taught concept" of life in his Parent and the "felt concept" of life in his Child. The Adult develops a "thought concept" of life based on data gathering and data processing" (pg. 31). What happens when people in different psychological roles interact? What happens when a person's Child interacts with another person's Parent? Read this book to find out. Dr. Harris uses other terminology such as "strokes" (recognition or validation) and the various ways people go about attaining those strokes. A passage which caught my attention noted how Child-Child transactions rarely last very long. The author notes how the hippie movement faded because by cutting off the source of disapproval (Parent) the hippies also cut off their source of valid praise. "Boy to girl: "Of course I love you. I love everybody!" (p. 78). If everybody is special, strokes no longer mean anything. He also elaborates on what he views as the 4 ego states a person can hold about himself and the other people: -I'm Not OK, You're OK -I'm OK, You're Not OK, -I'm Not OK, You're Not OK, -I'm OK, You're OK. This was not necessarily a challenging read, though it caused me to think about how I interact with others, how the behavior of other people causes me to sometimes think irrationally ("hooking my Child"), and it's given me another way to view other human beings. Highly recommended.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Got in Ebook of Old Favorite
*by G***S on September 3, 2022*

I read this book at least 50 years ago and I still use it as a reference, so bought the Ebook... I have found it is, in my opinion, the easiest way to apply a bit of psychology to your own life... It uses a simply variety of decisions you can make for yourself... I'm OK - and You're OK... as opposed to I'm Ok and You're NOT OK... or sadly I'm Not OK and You're Not OK...and something must be done... I've been sharing with a new friend of mine to help her use the simple tools... For me, it automatically goes into use as I consider somebody with whom I might have strong feelings... If I know I'm OK...then what is the problem with the other guy? Get the idea? BTW, I did take several classes on practicing it as well... So if you have some trouble thinking about it at first...just take your time, Know Thyself is the Goal... Gabbie

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐ After having read several books by the author of Transactional ...
*by N***N on July 12, 2014*

After having read several books by the author of Transactional Analysis, Eric Berne, I decided to read I'm Ok - You're Ok. It presented Transactional Analysis in an easier to understand language and helped solidify my understanding of the concepts. The authors explanations on the distinctions between the different ego states are well thought out and provided additional insights. It was not until near the end of the book that I fully realized that the premise of his argument that children are initially in a NOT OK state was based on the Christian concept of original sin. In order to justify that particular argument the author states that among other things the trauma experienced during vaginal birth gives the child this initial NOT OK position. It is hard to apply this argument to all births or even say that child birth is traumatic for every child; some children don't cry when they are born. Eric Berne disagreed with the initial state of an individual being NOT OK which he stated in his final work before his death: What to Say After You Say Hello. The meat and the potatoes of the book were the areas where it discussed human behavior; the behavior between individuals and the behavior between nations. When the author began to promote his philosophical and religious views, and use them as justification, it started to veer off course.

## Frequently Bought Together

- I'm OK--You're OK
- Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis.
- Games People Play: The Psychology Of Human Relationships By Eric Berne (7-Jan-2010) Paperback

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*Last updated: 2026-02-15*