Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others

We live in a society where people confuse assertiveness and aggressiveness when pursuing what we want in life. Judy Murphy's book, Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others, does much to clear up that misconception in a straightforward, concise manner. Assertiveness is attaining a balance between considering your own wants, needs, and goals with the wants, needs, and goals of other people. Aggressive people act in self-serving ways that lack respect for others; passive people act in ways that show no respect for themselves. Using a list of principles called the Bill of Rights of Assertiveness, Ms. Murphy guides readers to understand how they think about themselves, how they communicate, and how others perceive them can impede acting assertively and getting the respect they deserve. The book provides useful examples of passive, aggressive, and assertive behavior in a variety of settings, and then follows up with helpful exercises and suggestions for the reader to practice being assertive in those settings as well. Especially strong and true-to-life examples are given in the section on assertiveness in personal relationships, covering such topics as miscommunication between significant others and parent-child challenges. Another interesting section addresses how to raise assertive children, which is such an important issue given the widespread bullying problems in schools and neighborhoods. The major concept of the entire book is that behaving with respect toward others and toward oneself will go a long way in assuring that one will be respected by others. Constructive assertiveness can also reduce stress, increase honest relationships with others, and benefit health. This book is a handy guide to improving one's life through being more assertive that will be read more than once by many of its readers.

Throughout my life I grappled with a crippling inability to speak up for myself. No matter how hard I tried fear and self-doubt always held me back and I let people walk over me not because I wanted them to but because I didn't know how to stop them. That was until I discovered this book which has been a guiding light. The book begins by talking about the root cause of passivity and inability to assert. As I was reading I felt a profound sense of validation. The compassionate approach to addressing the emotional barriers that shackled me for so long made me realize that my struggle was not uncommon. Each chapter gently peeled back layers of insecurities that I was the only one experiencing this, giving me the courage to confront the challenges head on. As someone who always struggled to say "no" and set boundaries, these chapters were particularly empowering. Armed with assertive tools, I slowly began to express my needs and respectfully decline requests that overwhelmed me. The transformation was profound - no longer did I feel like a doormat but a person deserving of respect and consideration. Another area that intimidated me was managing conflicts, the book taught me how to navigate difficult conversations with poise and empathy, transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth and understanding. I found myself better equipped to express myself and advocate for my needs even in confrontational situations. For someone who always felt inadequate and unsure of themselves, the concept of buidlging confidence was a revelation. The exercises for cultivating a positive self-image and embracing my strengths allowed me to step into situations with newfound assurance. I slowly began to shed my fear of judgement and rejection and allowed my authentic self to shine through. The sense of empowerment that came was unparalleled and became a catalyst for further personal growth. For years my inner dialogue was filled with self-doubt and negative thoughts, making it nearly impossible to even entertain the thought of standing up for myself. The practical exercises and self-reflective questions challenged the negative internal dialogue that had dominated my thoughts. I learned to replace self-criticism with affirmations of worth and empowerment which became a cornerstone of my journey because it laid the groundwork for everything else. What sets everything apart was the practical approach to putting assertiveness into practice. It offers real-life scenarios and role-playing exercises to apply the principles I learned to real-world situations. These hands-on exercises were instrumental in building my confidence and refining my skills. I have learned that assertiveness is not about being aggressive or confrontational but about confidently expressing my needs and standing up for what I believe in while respecting others. The profound impact of this newfound ability has extended far beyond my interpersonal relationships, I has permeated every aspect of my life empowering me to navigate challenges with resilience and grace.

I've never been a huge fan of self-help books. But this particular book is on the high side of those that I have read. First, it's short. Don't trust any self-help book that is much longer than 100-150 pages. Such books are either trying to do too much or they are trying to talk too much. Second, this book gets right to the point. It tells you what it means and what it intends to show you; and then it does it. True, I'm not thrilled with the whole thing. The section on raising assertive kids, for example, was so short and so lacking in material that it could have been left out entirely. But, all things considered, this isn't a bad book.

This is the most motivational book I have ever read so far and also more than useful. One of the most interesting points is the 10 commandments of the assertive person. There is also so much good guidance on how anyone can learn to cope in a positive way so that they cannot be argumentative or aggressive. This approach not only fosters healthier relationships but also encourages personal growth and self-confidence. By applying these principles, readers can transform their interactions and create a more harmonious environment both at work and in their personal lives. I could it more than 5/5

This book addresses the complicated nature of interpersonal relationships to help you better assert yourself. It offer guidance on communication, boundaries, and self-confidence and although it lacks in some areas, it does offer plenty of insights and solutions. If you are like me, you will like the no-nonsense, straight to the point approach. The book contains zero fillers or fluff, making it an easy read free from technical jargon like "attachment theory" and such. Which means you can go out into the world and put the book to use, and that's whats going to get results, not having it sit on your shelf because it's half-finished. Since it's straight to the point, my transformation began from the very first paragraphs. It made clear and profound distinctions between aggression, passivity, and assertiveness, which was huge because I thought that assertiveness meant being aggressive, but as I learned that's not the case. You can be assertive without being aggressive (or passive) and that's really the road to healthy communication. I also learned many nuances of healthy-communication and gained a mix of strategies to make it easy to do it in personal relationships, professional settings, negotiations, and everyday interactions. The tips and techniques empowered me to voice my opinions, needs, and desires without stepping on the opinions and needs of others. The book also emphasized self-awareness and offered insightful exercises and questions that encouraged me to reflect on my behaviors and responses. They gauge where you currently stand and spot light areas that need attention to pinpoint your strengths and build on areas for improvement. The author's writing exudes warmth, compassion, and genuine concern for the reader as she is always supportive and non-judgemental, fostering feelings of trust and encouragement. She understands the vulnerability that comes with assertiveness and gives the right words and support to navigate the challenges and setbacks on this journey. At the same time she doesn't take a one-sided approach or an unbalanced stance. She claims assertiveness is not about getting what you want at the expense of others but expressing your needs and having them met. Meaning she does not teach psychological manipulation or taking advantage of others but having your rights and boundaries respected. Though the book is not without its flaws, it would have helped to include more diverse examples as this would have made it more inclusive and applicable to readers from diverse walks of life. Additionally, it occasionally glosses over the potential power dynamics at play in cultural situations, missing an opportunity to address the impact of culture on assertiveness. Still Judy Murphy knows what she's talking abut, she gets human nature, and can explain it to the average person struggling in this area. It will speak to many.

When I was younger, especially in my days as a high school student, I was one of those guys who made friends easily with both teachers and fellow students but had a hard time when it came to dating and achieving certain goals which required collaboration from others. It wasn't that I was an "ugly duckling" - even though at times I thought I was - or a disagreeable fellow; I had a circle of friends from a cross-section of my high school's student body that included football players, choir singers, members of the drama club and - of course - some of my fellow journalism students. However, when I really wanted to start dating girls, I tended to "wimp out" and become the "invisible man" because I couldn't find a way to get women to notice me in a positive light. Looking back on those days and even further on into my adulthood, I realize now that although shyness played a lot of havoc both in my personal and professional ambitions, my biggest problem was lack of assertiveness. Now, as Judy Murphy points out in "Assertiveness: How to Stand Up For Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others," assertiveness - which is not to be confused with "aggressiveness" - is one of the most important factors that determine whether we get a job we are seeking, plum assignments and promotions, or if we can attract a significant other and build a happy, healthy and stable relationship based on love and respect. At the start of the book, Murphy explains the difference between being assertive and being aggressive, which is important to understand because some people, especially guys, tend to say to non-assertive peers "to be aggressive and go for what you want." I often heard this chestnut when I asked more successful guys how to get girls to like me or how to ask my student newspaper's editors for stories that I wanted to write. However, as Murphy writes, aggressiveness "lacks respect. Aggressive people lack respect for others," while assertiveness is all about being firm in seeking your goals without being disrespectful or obnoxious. In the book's six chapters - not including the author's introduction or her conclusion - Murphy discusses such key topics as to how non-assertive persons can train themselves to be more assertive by improving their body language and manner of speaking, how self-perception (especially negative self-perception) determines one's levels of assertiveness, how individuals can get further ahead in their careers by correcting bad habits - such as talking like a "wimp" or being the "unassuming type" in social functions - and gaining positive attention from supervisors and other "authority figures" at work. Murphy even addresses the dynamics of romantic relationships - including marriages - which can be negatively affected by one's lack of assertiveness and self-respect. As the author points out, "If you want your relationships to be a haven, a safe respite from the storm, it is important to learn to assert yourself with the people you are close to." "Assertiveness: How to Stand Up For Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others" is written in a crisp and easy-to-follow style, and Murphy's authorial tone is informative and engaging, with no heavy-handed preaching or academically dryness that would turn off readers.

Judy Murphy has succeeded! I read this book as I was looking for some ways to explain to my tween child that he needs to be more assertive, rather than more aggressive. Kids (older) these days are being bullied beyond what anyone really knows. I have made it my business to teach my kids assertiveness, saying no, etc. Not only did I find exactly what I was looking for, I found that there are ideas that I can use in my own life. This book is a wonderful for people of any age, from children up to senior citizens. I shared some ideas from the book with friends and some older relatives who are known to let people "walk" on them because they don't know how to say "NO" when they don't want to do something, and they liked what they heard and were interested in reading more. There are examples for many situations that one wouldn't even consider as an area where assertiveness should be used. For example, this book teaches you how to be assertive in order to earn respect and be treated like you want (deserve) to be treated, to improve intimate and working relationships, and even how to handle rude or unacceptable customer service issues. The section on how to raise assertive chi ldren was especially helpful to me as I continue to show my children that not everyone in the world is aggressive and one does not have to be aggressive to get where they want to be in life. My kids and I were reading parts from the book together, and they deemed it useful for many situations. This book is a must read! Everyone can take something from it and use it in their day-to-day life in order to be assertive.

This book was super thorough, going over things like body language and eye contact, communication, and action plans to become a more assertive person. I actually really liked all the info in it, especially the self assessments and quizzes. Those made it a lot more personal to me, and helped me realize I may actually come across more passive in some situations and more aggressive in others, and how I can course correct to be more assertive. I found the book pretty dense and a little impersonal at times, but maybe that's just a style preference. Would've loved pictures or diagrams! Very good though.

One of the best learning books out there at a decent price offering. Some books just change your outlook in life and this is one among the many.

Un guide utile pour comprendre et pratiquer l’assertivité, surtout écrit avec des mots simples loin du language technique de certains psy....

This book is a great guide on how to become an assertive communicator. It gives you a clear explanation of why a passive communication style does not benefits you and guides you step by step to turn expressing yourself more assertively in different situations. Great tool indeed to improve yourself!

I enjoyed reading this book because it was full of useful advice. It was easy to understand and got to the point so I felt it made the best use of my time. I can recommend it to anyone wanting to improve their assertiveness skills.

I really wish I had this book earlier in my life, when I had no clue about boundaries. I found this book well-structured, and thus, very effective. In the beginning, the author explains the boundaries and the difference between self-confidence and arrogance. There is also a quiz to help figuring out the key problems and the area of work. The rest of the book has practical exercises aiming to increase the level of assertiveness among the readers. I found the exercises useful in multiple ways. I strongly recommend it to everyone struggling with high level of responsibility.